


These Broken Pictures

by BadLuckCharm



Series: Other Authors' Fics [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Monsters, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Destiel-endgame, Loss, Love, M/M, Michael is a dickbag, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-06 09:32:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11597856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadLuckCharm/pseuds/BadLuckCharm
Summary: The story of Dean Winchester's quest through love and loss, as he finds his way through the world takes so much from himEdit: Art byCaptainDaddyBigTitsis added in ch1.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy reading :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Art by [ CaptainDaddyBigTits ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDaddyBigTits/pseuds/CaptainDaddyBigTits) is added.

Sweet breezes caressed his face as Dean took a sip of his coffee. He hummed in his throat a little, savoring the taste of the hot liquid as it warmed up his tongue. He closed his eyes, even though he’d rather not miss a moment, and just listened. The beeping of cars, the running of engines, the people talking in a language Dean didn’t understand, but loved to listen to. Dean took another sip of his coffee.

 

“Best damn coffee in all of Paris.” A deep voice commented. Dean opened his eyes, and stared upwards at the man who’d spoken to him. He smiled warmly at the finely chiseled man who silently asked to join him at the table outside the restaurant, to which Dean obliged.

 

“I’d have to take your word for it; I’ve only been here for a day.” Dean replied, and the other man laughed.

 

“Ah, I see. First time to Paris, eh?” He asked.

 

“First time to France, actually.” Dean answered, reaching across the table. “I’m Dean Winchester.” And the other man shook it, giving Dean’s hand a friendly squeeze.

 

“Benny LaFitte.”

 

“Say, you don’t sound like you’re from around here.” Dean attempted at conversation, trying to get the ball rolling. Benny laughed. Dean found that he rather enjoyed watching Benny laugh; how he turned his head to the side, only to swing his gaze back up to whatever it as that made him laugh.

 

“Probably ‘cause I’m not. I just like to visit a lot. My family was from here, before my granddaddy moved to Louisiana.” Benny explained, and Dean nodded. “Lived there my whole life.” Benny paused, staring at Dean. “And how ‘bout you, Chief? Where you hailing from?”

 

“Kansas. Born and bred.” Benny grinned.

 

“Ah, a Midwestern boy.” He chuckled, and Dean rolled his eyes playfully.

 

They talked for another few hours, till Dean got a call from Sam, who told Dean he’d finally got off work and he could show Dean around the city a little. Dean hung up, saying he’d come to Sam and Jess’ apartment in a couple minutes.

 

“Got a boyfriend I should be jealous of?” Benny asked as Dean put his phone back in his pocket. Dean laughed, and shook his head.

 

“No, it’s my brother, Sam. He and his girlfriend, Jess are getting married this week. That’s why I’m here.” Dean chuckled a little to himself. “I probably wouldn’t have come unless this was a big step for Sam. I, uh… I hate flying on planes. It terrifies the shit outta me.” Dean confessed. Benny nodded.

 

“Yeah, I prefer boat travel, anyway. It’s slower, but you get a better view, and more time to enjoy it.” Benny agreed, and Dean paused for a moment.

 

“What about you, is there any man I might have to fight to win you over?” Dean cautiously ventured.

 

“Nope. I’m all free, Chief.” The two men grinned at each other.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Sam and Jess’ wedding rolled around, Benny and Dean were already seeing each other daily; meeting up at coffee shops, spending the day together when Sam and Jess were working or planning their wedding. Dean had even brought Benny to the apartment to meet his younger brother and future sister-in-law. Both Sam and Jess both approved and loved Benny, and thus, he became Dean’s date to the wedding.

 

Benny held Dean’s hand when Dean retook his seat as Jess finally stood in front of Sam, and Dean had given his little brother (who wasn’t so little anymore) the rings. Tears of pure joy streamed down Dean’s face as he watched the wedding unfold, and as he gave a speech during the reception dinner.

 

After dinner, there was alcohol, dancing, more alcohol, and before he could fathom it, Dean and Benny were by the lakeside, standing on a dock a few hundred yards away from the party. Benny was holding Dean close, telling him stuff that Dean was a little too drunk to catch. He just liked smelling the whiskey on Benny’s breath, the way his deep voice made Dean feel safe, even if he didn’t know what that voice was trying to say. Dean loved the warmth that came from Benny’s chest, and he moved closer to Benny, trying to get as close as possible, as he listened to the sound of Benny’s voice talking to him.

 

“… and I love you.” Suddenly, Dean’s mind parted it’s cloudiness for a brief second, and he looked up at Benny.

 

“What?” Dean asked, looking up into Benny’s eyes. Benny smiled softly down at him.

 

“I love you.” Dean said nothing, but continued to stare up in shock. “I know we’ve only been together for a week, but-” Dean cut off Benny’s explanation with a deep kiss.

 

“I love you, too.” Dean murmured back on Benny’s lips. Benny’s arms tightened around Dean, who pressed his head to Benny’s chest and closed his eyes, just listening to the sound of Benny’s heart beating.


	3. Chapter 3

They took a boat back, as per Benny’s request (to which Dean happily obliged, mostly because he wanted to stay with Benny as long as possible, and partly because Dean wanted any excuse not to fly back). They docked in Louisiana, and Dean stayed at Benny’s house for another three weeks. But by the second week, Dean’s homesickness started to take over his mind. He longed to be back in Kansas, but he wanted Benny there with him.

So, that morning, Dean asked Benny to move in with him.

Benny understood Dean’s need to return to Kansas, but Dean could tell Benny didn’t want to leave him hometown, either. So Benny went to the coin jar on the counter, and returned with a quarter.

“How about we let fate decide, huh?” Benny offered, and Dean nodded, knots in his stomach. Benny flipped the coin, and uncovered it when it landed on the back of his hand. Uncovering it, Benny looked at the coin, then at Dean. “Midwestern it is.” He said. Dean jumped up and wrapped Benny in a tight hug, kissing him happily.

“I love you so much, Benny.” Dean cried, and even though he could tell Benny was heartbroken to leave, he couldn’t be any happier.

“I love you, too, Dean.”

They moved into Dean’s childhood home that had been empty for the last four weeks, and Benny loved it. He loved the woodwork, the location, but most of all, Benny adored the pictures of Dean, Sam, their parents, Jess, Dean’s uncle Bobby, his wife, Ellen, and their kids Ash and Jo that hung around the house.

One day, as Dean was looking at a picture of a four-year-old him and his mother, Mary, Benny came up behind Dean and wrapped his arms around the Winchester. He kissed Dean’s neck lovingly and looked at the picture.

“You all seemed so happy. Why’d your family separate?” Benny asked quietly, knowing that Dean’s family was a touchy subject. Dean sighed, but continued gazing at the picture.

“A few years ago, Mom died from cancer, and so Sam moved away to Paris for college. But… he really moved away to get away from this house.” Dean explained softly. “He couldn’t stand the pain of living here anymore. It just reminded him of Mom too much. A couple of weeks after Sammy left for France, Dad drove off a bridge. Police said he was drunk off his ass, but I know the truth.” Dean paused, a lump in his throat and his eyes misting over. “He’d meant to drive off that bridge. He…” Dean took a deep breath. “Dad couldn’t stand living without Mom. So one night, he got up, hugged me and told me to take care of Sam and myself, and that he’d be back in a few days. He said that he was going to stay with his friends Jim and Caleb for a while to de-stress. But when I called Caleb and Jim, they said that Dad had never talked to them about staying with them.” Dean wiped a tear from his face, but another one slipped past him. Benny kissed the tear from Dean’s face gingerly.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad they’re together.” Dean replied. He took another deep breath, and straightened his back, clearing away his emotions. “There should be some pictures of you up here.” He finally stated. “Yeah,” Dean nodded to himself, “I need some pictures of you in our house.” Benny smiled, and Dean kissed him.

The next day, there were several more pictures put up around the house, some of Sam and Jess’ wedding, and a lot of Benny and Dean.

Benny found a job easily in the next week, seeing as the dentist company he worked for was nation-wide, so they simply transferred him to the Kansas branch. A month later, Dean went back to work at the high school, since the summer was over.


	4. Chapter 4

Three Years Later~

 

Dean groaned into the pillow as he felt Benny enter him.

 

“God, I love you, Dean.” Benny gasped, and Dean’s grip on the sheets tightened. But then, he felt another hand grab his, and their golden rings made a slight clink as they brushed together. Benny’s hand enveloped Dean’s, and he let himself go under Benny Winchester.

 

“Benny…” Dean moaned.

 

As soon as they were done, Benny curled up beside Dean, taking the man -who was as of that night his husband- into his arms and kissing him softly. Dean rested his head in the crook of Benny’s neck, kissing it gently.

 

“Never let me go.” Dean whispered softly. Benny kissed Dean’s lips deeply, full of love.

 

“I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

The house next door had been for sale more times than Dean dared to count. So he wasn’t surprised when Billie and Tessa moved out, and a new couple moved in next door. He didn’t expect them to stay long, because that was the house that never seemed to be able to hold someone in it.

What he didn’t expect was the amount of fighting the new couple did and how handsome the younger man was.

Dean was watering the flowers Benny had planted in the front yard one morning in June when the couple (who hadn’t been there for more than a week) had another fight. The younger man screamed something, then stepped out onto the front porch. He wore a tan hoodie over a light blue tee with black pants that he shoved his hands into the pocket of as he sat on the porch steps of his house. He looked over at Dean, who went back to watering the plants, pretending he wasn’t just caught watching. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the man staring at him.

When the other man stood up from the porch steps and made his way over, Dean froze in fear. He hadn’t meant to stare, he was just curious, and now he was going to take shit for it. His stomach knotted itself in worry and guilt as the other man came over to the fence. Dean turned the water to the hose off, and walked up to the fence apologetically.

“Hi.” He offered shyly.

“Hello.” The man replied, and damn did his voice sound like gravel over sex.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to watch you-” Dean started, but the other man held up a hand.

“No, it’s alright.” He chuckled. “I guess it’s a little hard not to notice, especially when Michael gets really loud.” He paused, looking scornfully at the house, then back at Dean. “I’m Castiel, but you can call me Cas, if you like.” He held out his hand, which Dean shook.

“I’m Dean. Well, hey every couple has problems at one point. If they don’t, they’re lying or not a real couple.” Dean offered, and Cas smiled brightly, blue eyes shining. “Welcome to the neighborhood. I guess I should’ve brought over a basket of food or something, but, I guess I’m just not the type.” Dean continued.

“It’s alright. Michael would probably take it the wrong way, like you were hitting on me or something.” Cas replied sadly. Dean shrugged.

“Well then, he’d be happy to hear I’m married.” Cas snorted.

“He’s never happy.” Then he sighed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be such a downer.” Cas scratched the back of his head, and Dean spied the bruises on Cas’ wrist.

“Whoa, are you alright?” Dean asked, pointing to the purple and blue spots of flesh. Cas quickly retracted his arm, and covered it with his jacket sleeve.

“Yeah. It’s nothing. I fell.” He muttered, looking away. Dean knew better. “Look, I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone about that.” Cas said quietly, looking up at Dean. Everything in his body was telling him that he should help this guy out, and that what was going on behind the house next door was wrong. But, it was also not his business, and Cas had asked him to stay out of it. Reluctantly, Dean nodded, and Cas gave a small, appreciative smile.

“Castiel!” A voice hissed. Cas and Dean both looked up at the front door of Cas’ house, where a lean man in a white t-shirt and dark grey cargo shorts stood. He was thin, but looked like he could hit hard. A permanent scowl darkened his face, and Dean could practically smell the meth that hung around the man from the fence. The man – _Michael, was it?_ \- frowned at Dean.

“Hi!” Dean called out, attempting to be friendly. Michael just spat in response and gave a hard look at Cas.

“Get in here.” He barked, and Dean noticed Cas flinched slightly at the sharp tone of Michael’s voice. The screen door slammed behind Michael as he disappeared into the house with one last dirty look at Dean. Cas sighed, and Dean felt awful. He wanted to tell Cas how he didn’t deserve an asshole like that, and that he should just leave Michael and live a better life. But he didn’t. Instead, Dean just stood there silently, wishing he knew what to say. Cas turned sadly back to him.

“I have to go.” He muttered, staring at his feet and turning away.

“Cas, wait.” Dean said, and blue eyes met his own green ones. “Hey, if you ever need a place to crash, we got a guest bedroom and a couch with a TV. So if you ever need to just take a break, don’t hesitate. My door’s always open, and there’s no expiration date.” Dean put out a reassuring grin, and Cas gave a small, gracious smile in response.

“Thank you, Dean. I’ll keep it in mind.” He said before waving and disappearing inside the house.

Dean told Benny what had happened when he’d gotten home from work, and Benny agreed with Dean. They talked about it over dinner, a chicken-pasta dish that Dean had made from his mom’s old recipe book.

“I’ve seen Cas around, but the other guy I haven’t really seen. I hear him yelling all the time, but I’ve never actually  _seen_  him.” Benny stated about Michael.

“Yeah, today was the first time I ever saw him. The guy reeks of meth.” Dean replied, and Benny grimaced.

“That’s so incredible horrible for your teeth.” He grumbled, and Dean chuckled, kissing his husband on the cheek.

“I knew you’d say that.” Dean grinned, but then his smile faded. “I still feel bad, though. About Cas.” Dean continued, and Benny nodded.

“I know. I do, too.”

“I feel like I should say something, even though I said I wouldn-” Dean started, but he stopped when Benny clutched his stomach and grimaced. “Benny?” Dean asked, looking at the other man with concern, but Benny shook his head.

“It’s nothing. I’m okay.” Benny looked over at Dean and laughed a little. “Don’t look so worried, Chief. It’s alright.” They went to bed early that night, and Dean couldn’t stop thinking about what he should do to help Cas.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean awoke the next morning to the sound of vomiting. He sprung up, off the bed and into the adjacent bathroom, but when he tried the door, he found it was locked.

Benny never locked the doors  _inside_  the house.

Hesitantly, Dean knocked on the bathroom door, calling out Benny’s name, trying not to show the worry he felt. Why would Benny possibly lock the door? What was he trying to hide?

“Benny? You okay?” Dean heard the water run on the toilet, and Benny opened the door with a smile.

“Hey there, Chief. Good morning.” Benny patted Dean on the back, and moved past him. Dean stood in the doorframe as Benny dressed for work. Dean crossed his arms uncomfortably.

“Benny, what’s wrong?” Dean asked carefully. Benny looked up at him and smiled.

“Nothing’s wrong, Dean.”

“You locked the bathroom door.” Dean stated, and Benny shrugged.

“My hand must’ve slipped on the handle when I closed the door.” Benny responded, but Dean just wasn’t buying it. Benny grabbed his stuff, kissed the top of Dean’s head, and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, then left. Dean didn’t say anything until Benny was almost at the door, ready to leave for work.

“Benny, if you’re sick, you should stay home.”

“Dean, I feel fine.” Benny reassured him before kissing Dean and leaving. Uncomfortably, Dean rubbed the back of his neck and stood in the kitchen, worrying himself over. He decided to sit outside on the porch, trying to collect his thoughts.

“Hey.” A warm voice called. Looking up, Dean saw Cas smiling at him.

“Hey.” Dean replied.

“Mind if I join you?” Cas asked, and Dean nodded. Cas made his way over to the bench on Dean’s porch, sitting beside the Winchester.

“I didn’t see your hubbie this morning.” Dean commented, trying to make conversation. Cas laughed.

“Oh, we’re not married. I’m stupid, but not stupid enough to marry Michael.” Cas replied. “But yeah, he’s with his friends. A bunch of druggies.” At this, Cas scoffed and rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Sorry.” He apologized again. Dean waved him off.

“It’s okay.” Cas looked at him for a while, and Dean said nothing.

“What’s wrong, Dean?” Cas asked quietly.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s  _something_  if it’s bothering you. You can tell me.” Cas offered gently, and Dean felt like he  _could_  trust Cas, despite how little he knew him.

“So, last night, Benny had a little bit of a stomach pain. He said it was nothing, but I didn’t really believe him. And then this morning, I woke up and I swear I heard him throwing up. I didn’t tell him that, but he also locked the bathroom door, which was not like him at all. He denied feeling sick at all, and he brushed off the lock as an accident, but I still don’t believe him.” Dean sighed. “I dunno. Maybe I’m just being paranoid?”

“Or maybe he doesn’t want you to worry? It could also be that he’s embarrassed about it. Does he get sick often?” Cas questioned.

“Not out of the ordinary. I mean, he gets allergies, but that’s because I made him move up here from Louisiana. This would be the first time it was anything weird.” Dean replied. Cas thought for a moment, then shrugged.

“I don’t know, Dean. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.” Cas said, and Dean could see in his eyes that Cas truly meant it.

“It’s alright. Whatever it is, we’ll work through it like we always do.” Dean responded, sure of himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next month, Benny had been getting worse. He’d stop eating in the middle of dinner, or sometimes, not even eat at all. His skin got paler, and even had a yellowish tint to it. He’d lost a lot of weight, and it drove Dean crazy, especially when Benny denied it all.

Every.

Damn.

Time.

“Benny, just look at yourself! Look in the mirror! Something’s obviously wrong, why won’t you tell me!” Dean screamed one night, nearly one step away from crying or punching Benny. Not that he’d ever want to hurt him, but Benny was being so goddamn frustrating, he needed to stop and realize how much he was driving Dean insane.

“Dean, everything’s fine! I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this!” Benny replied, once again denying everything.

“Why won’t you tell me?” Dean demanded, and Benny opened his mouth to retort, but instead he cried out in pain, doubling over on the floor. Anger suddenly gone and replaced with outwardly concern, Dean rushed to his husband’s side. “Benny!” He shouted, but the other man waved him off.

“I’m fine.” He lied through gritted teeth and his eyes squeezed shut.

“No you’re not, I’m taking you to the hospital.” Dean stated, helping Benny up off the floor and carrying him to the car.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re fine!” Dean ordered, getting Benny inside the car as Dean sped towards the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

The doctors had taken Benny in, and Dean waited outside for a few hours. He’d texted Cas to tell him that he’d finally taken Benny to the hospital. Cas responded and told Dean to call if he wanted to talk. Dean hadn’t replied yet.

Sick with worry, he started to fall asleep, but every time he nearly drifted off, he awoke with a start, refusing to sleep while there was no news on his husband.

After a few hours, someone sat down next to him.

“Hey.” Dean looked up into an ocean of blue.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said. Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“How is he?”

“I dunno yet. They haven’t come back from the room yet.” Dean replied, the knots in his stomach twisting and tightening as he said this aloud.

“I’m sure he’s fine. Just a little sick.” Cas suggested, and Dean nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just confused as to why he’s still denying it.”

Then, a man in a white scrub holding a clipboard walked up to the pair.

“Mr. Winchester?” Dean stood.

“Yes, that’s me.” The man nodded.

“Could you follow me, please?” Dean’s stomach dropped. This couldn’t be good.

“Sure.” He followed the nurse, who stopped in front of a door to a room. From the rectangular window in the door, Dean could see the edge of a white bed, with two feet under a blanket sticking up. Dean assumed this was Benny’s room.

“Mr. Winchester, I must inform you that we have some bad news. Your husband is sick.”

“What does he have, doc? Strep? The flu? Pneumonia?” The man shook his head.

“Not quite, Mr. Winchester.” Dean’s heart sunk. Maybe this was a good thing? Dean took a shaky breath, preparing for the worst.

“So what is it?”

“I’m afraid your husband has adenocarcinoma, the most common form of stomach cancer.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Descriptive Panic Attack in this chapter.

Dean felt like he was floating. Like the hallway had lost all gravity and he was floating away from the hospital, from the Earth, from himself.

In the distance, he could hear his mother's voice, talking to him. It was muffled, and he couldn't quite make it out. But as the time passed, it became clearer and clearer.

"Dean." He heard his mom say.  "Dean." The world was fuzzy, and Dean could see nothing but a blur, his head spinning with the memory of his mother's voice calling his name.

"Dean." Suddenly, Dean snapped back to the present. He looked at the man in front of him, trying to remember who it was. Concerned blue eyes peered into his swimming head.

"Mom?" There was silence after this, before a sad;

"No." Dean swallowed, trying to regain where he was and what was going on. "Dean, talk to me." Dean looked up, and realized he was sitting down, and Cas was in front of him, not his mother. His muddy thoughts still clouded his mind, but now he could at least see the face in front of him.

"Cas?"

"Hey, Dean. How do you feel?"

"Where am I? Why...Why am I in a hospital?" Dean asked, looking around. For a moment, Cas said nothing, he just stared at Dean with an unreadable expression. Then he spoke.

"Dean, you blacked out when the doctor tried to tell you about Benny. You don't remember?" Dean just looked at Cas, then it all hit him in a tidal wave that came crashing down on him.

Cancer.

Suddenly, it became hard for Dean to breathe, and his breaths came in and out so fast he couldn't catch his breath, soon, he couldn't breathe at all. His skin tingled with pins and needles all over, as if his whole body had fallen asleep, and was just now waking up. Cas' eyes widened, and he put his hands on Dean's face, forcing eye contact.

"Dean. Dean, look at me. You need to breathe. Hold your breath, then let it out slowly. Can you do that for me?" Cas' words swam in Dean's head, but somehow, they managed to pull through. Dean kept his consciousness, but his entire body buzzed, like he was vibrating. He was sure he was going to be sick and puke.

"Benny..." Dean started, but it made his throat burn and his eyes sting with oncoming tears.

"I know." Cas said, holding Dean's hand comfortingly. "I kinda connected the dots from what the doctor said." Once again, these words floated right through Dean. “Dean, I’m here for you. Talk to me. Say something.” But Dean just started crying, and Cas held him.


	10. Chapter 10

When Dean was finally consolable enough that he’d stopped crying, he straightened up and went into Benny’s hospital room. Benny had been waiting for Dean to show up, and Dean sat in a chair beside his husband.

“Hey there, Chief. I was startin’ to think you up and ditched me here.” Benny joked with a laugh. Dean was immoveable. Benny sighed. “Dean, look. I didn’t-”

“Did you know?” Dean asked, his eyes not meeting Benny’s. He crossed his arms in defense of everything and did his damnest not to look into the eyes of his husband.

“Dean-“

“Did you know?” Dean repeated, words a little stronger now. Benny sighed again.

“Yes.”

“How long?” Dean asked, feeling more tears on the horizon. He tried to hold it together, but Benny said nothing. “How long did you know, dammit?” Dean broke, his voice cracking halfway through. He broke into more sobs, and put his head down on the side of the bed. Benny stroked his hair.

“My granddaddy had it. Figured it was possible I’d get it, too at some point.” Benny replied softly. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Dean picked his head up and finally looked into Benny’s eyes.

“They can help you, right? Give you chemotherapy and stuff?” Dean asked hopefully, although he already knew the answer. Benny shook his head, and more tears squeezed out of Dean’s eyes.

“Not this time, Chief.” Dean put his head back down, sobbing into the sheets as Benny ran his tired fingers through Dean’s soft, short brown hair.


	11. Chapter 11

His face was in the soft sheets as he woke up, realizing he wasn’t in his own bed. Picking up his head, Dean saw that Benny had also fallen asleep, so he got up quietly. In the corner was a figure, and Dean jumped slightly, but then relaxed, seeing that it was Cas. He sighed softly, and Cas smiled sleepily up at him.

Silently, the two made their way out of the room to talk. Cas made a coffee and Dean stood nearby, waiting. Neither of them said anything, wordlessly sipping the crap coffee and avoiding eye contact.

They heard it at relatively the same time.

A rustling had begun in the lobby around the corner down the hall, where a man was arguing with the secretary at the front desk. He was screaming, and she was attempting (and failing) at calming him down.

“I know he’s here, so where the fuck is he?!” The man screamed, and the secretary sputtered for words.

“Sir, I don’t-”

“Yes you do, you just don’t wanna fucking tell me!”

“Sir, please-”

“Tell me where the fuck my boyfriend is!” Cas went pale, and Dean turned to him.

“Cas, you okay?” Dean asked gently.

“That’s Michael.” A thud, which sounded like Michael slamming his hands down on the desk made Cas jump, and Dean put his hand on Cas’ arm.

“Don’t go out there.”

“I have to. He’ll hurt someone if I don’t.” Cas replied, taking a deep breath and heading for the lobby. Dean followed him.

The secretary was calling security, and Michael was inches away from ripping the phone cord out of the wall. Cas stood there, in the lobby, fists at his sides.

“Michael.” He called angrily. Michael turned his head slowly towards Cas, and he snapped.

“Where the fuck have you been, Castiel?!” Michael marched over and saw Dean. “Why the fuck are you at the hospital with  _him_?” Michael came close to Castiel, and punched him to the floor. This snapped Dean.

“Hey!” Dean yelled, and grabbed Michael’s shoulders, pushing him into the wall. “Don’t you dare hit him, you asshole!” Dean screamed, and Cas pulled him away.

“Dean, no, don’t. It’ll only make it worse; I don’t want him to hurt you, too.”

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Michael shrieked. He took a step forward to hit Dean too, but a security guard grabbed him before things got worse. Dean turned to Cas as Michael was dragged away, spitting insults and profanity.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, a hand on Cas’ arm. Cas looked up at him sadly, and Dean could see the red mark on Cas’ nose Michael Had left. It infuriated him.

 “He probably tracked my phone.” Cas muttered angrily. “I’m so stupid…” Dean shook his head, and put a hand on Cas’ face.

“Hey, no you’re not. Don’t you ever think that.  _He’s_  the stupid one.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas said, gazing up at Dean as if he was the only one who ever told Cas that he mattered. Dean could see how easy it would be, to pull Cas just a little closer and- Cas turned away. “Go home, Dean. You need some rest.” But Dean shook his head.

“I’m not leaving here.” Dean refused. “I’d rather stay.”

“Then I’ll go. But if you change your mind, call me. You’re in no state to drive.” For a long moment, Dean stared at Cas, wondering if he knew about his dad. He shook the thought from his mind, deeming it impossible.

“I was kind of hoping you’d stay.” Dean confessed quietly. Cas gazed at him like he was trying to figure Dean out. Like the Winchester was a puzzle that was taking him a while to solve.

“Alright.”


	12. Chapter 12

Cas and Dean had fallen asleep in Benny’s room in two chairs against the wall. When Dean awoke, he lifted his head, only to see that Cas’ head was on his shoulder, the other man still fast asleep. Dean smiled, and watched Cas breathe in and out peacefully.

“He is a gorgeous man.” Benny said. Dean looked up quickly, not realizing Benny was awake. Without stirring Cas, Dean eased the other man off his shoulder, and came to Benny’s side.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Dean asked. Benny grinned at him.

“Don’t avoid the what I said.” Benny nodded at Cas. “Be with him.” Dean’s eyes widened.

“Benny, no. You’re going to get better-” Benny grabbed Dean’s hand.

“Dean, stop. Stop lying to yourself. Please. For me, be with Cas. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. More importantly, I see the way you look at him. And it’s okay. I want you to be happy.” Benny pleaded. Dean took Benny’s hand and held it in both of his own hands.

“I’m happy with you.”

“Well, I’m not really going to be around for much longer, Chief.”

“Don’t say that.” Dean begged. “Please, I can’t hear that. Not from you.”

“Dean, please. As a last request. Be with someone who makes you happy. If it’s not with Cas, then with  _someone_. Please. I know what my death means for you, and I don’t want to be another person who left you. But seeing as I have no choice on that, I’m telling you that you should be with someone who makes you happy.” Benny coughed, and tears streamed down Dean’s face as he brought Benny a glass of water. But Benny wasn’t finished. “You go be with someone you deserve. Now, you leave this hospital with that man, and you never look back, you hear me?” Benny ordered.

“No, I won’t leave you.”

“That’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.” Benny looked at Cas. “He is handsome. And he cares about you. More than you know.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked. Benny grinned.

“He talked to me while you were asleep. I told him to take you away from here. Away from me. To make you happy for as long as you both live. He told me he didn’t think he was worthy.” Benny laughed. “Selfless man. Reminded me so much of you. Said he’d loved you from afar, ever since the first time you two talked, and that he’d feel awful, trying to take a dying man’s husband.” Benny laughed again. “I told him that that probably wouldn’t be the case for very much longer.” Dean pretended not to hear that last part. “So go. Be happy. Move on from me, I’ll be alright.”

“Benny?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“How about I make you a deal. I’ll move on as best I can if you let me stay until you die.” Dean bargained, green eyes pleading. Benny sighed, and stared at Dean a long time.

“Deal.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, Dean spends whatever time he's not with Benny, with Cas. And things have grown between them...

~A Few Days Later~

“They arrested Michael that night. The police had several warrants for his arrest due to ‘substance abuse’.” Cas said before he took another bite of his hamburger. Dean grinned for the first time that day.

“That’s good. You’re a free man.” Dean replied, drinking his coffee he’d ordered. Cas smiled shyly back.

“Not quite, I’d have to quit my job for that.” He added quietly.

“Mm, yeah. You never told me where you work, despite how long we’ve been talking.” Dean hungrily bit into his loaded burger. When Cas said nothing, Dean looked up and saw that he was blushing. “Cas-?”

“I’m… I’m a, uh…”

“Cas.” Dean reached over, grabbing Cas’ hand comfortingly. Cas’ gaze traveled up to meet Dean’s. “It’s okay, I won’t judge you. You can tell me.” Cas bit his lip, but kept staring into Dean’s eyes.

“I’m a stripper.” Cas confessed in a low voice. Dean smiled, and Cas looked away, retracting his hand. “You think it’s funny.”

“No.” Dean replied instantly. “I just… I’m surprised you were brave enough to tell me. Ha, if it were me, I wouldn’t tell anyone, ‘cause I know I would never have the guts. But,” Cas looked up at Dean, “I’m glad you did.” Cas licked his lips and couldn’t stop smiling.

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I mean it. I’m glad you told me.” At this, Cas chuckled.

“Well, it’s only part-time, if that tells you anything. The other half of the time I work at a run-down convenience store in the middle of nowhere.” Cas laughed again. “Honestly, I don’t know how I still have a job there.” Then he sighed. “But that job, it’s more like a prison. You meet awful people like Michael who don’t ever go away, and ruin your life.”

Cas paused, lost in thought, but shortly turned back to Dean, an excited look on his face. “But there were a few perks. Granted, not many, but there were a few. Moving in next to you was one of them. The other…” Cas looked around, and grinned. “Follow me.” Cas then stood from the booth by the window of the downtown diner, and walked to the bathroom. Dean wasn’t sure what he was getting into, but he pursued Cas.

Once inside the small bathroom, Cas locked the door. Dean gave him a worried look.

“I don’t want anyone else to see.” Cas said, noticing how worried Dean looked. Dean only swallowed in fear, because, if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t all that scared. A little concerned, but not scared. He trusted Cas.

“Okay.” Dean replied. Cas gave a small smile, then turned his back on Dean.

“I got this when I first started working at the club.” Cas stated, pulling off his shirt. Dean gasped.

It started at the base of Cas’ neck, and made it’s way all the way out to his arms, and extended till the ends touched his ass. The dark shade of the ink perfectly matched Cas’ tanned skin, and he couldn’t find his breath that the tattoo of giant wings on Cas’ back had stolen from him.

“Cas… this is… Do you mind if I…?” Dean asked, stumbling for words. Cas smiled, and nodded. Dean put a tentative hand on the wings, and he felt the muscles of Cas’ back relax under his touch. Dean’s hand traveled from the top of Cas’ shoulder, and slid the flat of his palm all the way down to Cas’ sides, making the other man shiver. “Sorry.” Dean muttered under his breath, still completely entranced. “This is magnificent, Cas.” He paused. “You’re magnificent.” Suddenly, Cas turned around, blue eyes watching Dean, and Dean tilted his head, kissing Cas over his shoulder. Cas kissed him softly, but Dean could feel the love that the other man felt as he pressed his lips against Dean’s own.

Dean broke off, but instead his mouth found its way on Cas’ shoulder, and traveled down his back, tracing the wings with his lips, making sure to kiss every goddamn feather he saw. With every time Cas moaned Dean’s name, the Winchester kissed with more passion and love than he ever had before. He loved the feeling of Cas’ smooth, warm skin under his lips, his tongue. He loved hearing Cas call his name quietly. He loved to show Cas how much Dean longed to worship Cas’ body, in any way he could.

“I think I love you.” Dean whispered on Cas’ back.

“Dean, I’ve loved you for a while, now.” Cas replied, blue eyes looking back at green.

Dean continued kissing Cas, because it felt right, and every fiber in him  _ached_  to be with Cas. And Cas’ little gasps and pleads drove him wild, flipping his stomach and sending shocks straight to his pants. Something felt right, and Dean didn’t want it to stop. He’d never felt this attached, this synchronized, this in love with anyone before.

“Then love me.”


	14. Chapter 14

It came as a shock when Benny died the next day.

At the hospital, Benny had gone before Dean got there, and before he saw his dead husband, Dean was worried and unshakable. Almost like he didn't believe Benny was gone.

Unfortunately, once he got sight of Benny's limp figure through the window on the room's door... Dean fell apart, crying and screaming. He passed out at least twice, only to awaken and lose himself all over again.

But Castiel was with him through the entire time, and held Dean without fail and showed him all the love and comfort he could neither see nor feel.


	15. Chapter 15

_“Mr. Winchester? I’m afraid your husband has passed away. He went in his sleep.”_

Dean stared at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark, repeating the words over and over in his head. Benny was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. Making a list in his head, Dean counted the people he’d lost, trying to make sense of all the things that had happened over the years.

_Mom…_

_Dad…_

_Benny…_

_Mom…_

_Dad…_

_Benn-_

Something shifted at his side, breaking the chain. Dean looked down, and saw Cas tilt his head, eyes open, staring up at Dean. He wasn’t sure when Cas had woken up; the last time he checked, the other man was fast asleep at his side.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Dean whispered.

“The sound of your thinking is loud.” Cas joked, but the humor was missing. He put a hand on Dean’s cheek, his thumb smoothing Dean’s face. “Stop running around in circles in your head.” Dean wasn’t sure how Cas knew, but…

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.” Dean added quickly, not wanting Cas to feel bad. And, it was true. He  _did_  love Cas. Ruffling the dark black locks of the younger man, Dean kissed Cas slowly.

“Dean, you can talk about it, if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.”

“M’kay. But don’t keep it bottled up. You told me you do that, and I don’t want it to catch up to you.” Cas kissed Dean back. “I love you, and I want to help you through this.” Dean was silent for a minute, and Cas stilled himself.

“I miss him. And… it’s different from when I lost my mom. I mean, she’d been struggling with breast cancer for a long time, but,” Dean stopped, taking a breath. “But, Benny was different.”

For a long time, Dean simply looked at Cas, trying to decide if what he was considering to do was a good idea. Or if it would only hurt him more in the future,  _again_.

 _Screw destiny. Right in the face,_ Dean thought to himself. He pushed back the covers and got out of bed.

“Come with me.” He said, and Cas did as Dean told him, following Dean down the stairs of his house, till they reached the wall that concealed the back of the stairs.

Dean fought off the waves of nostalgia that were battling him inside his head as he did his damnest not to remember standing in that exact spot with Benny all those years ago. Dean stood there, looking at the wall, the picture of him and his mother smiling at the camera Mary had been holding that day. His eyes wandered over to the picture next to it, where Dean was having his cheek kissed by Benny as Dean tried to snap a “moving-in” selfie with his boyfriend who later was his husband. He swallowed back the burn in his throat that was slowly building.

Cas said nothing, and neither did Dean. The pair only stared at the multitude of pictures before them, taking in all the emotion and deeper meanings of the simple photos.

“When Benny moved in with me, this was the first thing I showed him.” Dean recollected quietly, his eyes never moving from his mother’s face. “He loved these pictures, said they told him more about me than I ever did.” Dean half-heartedly chuckled. “I told him about my mom, then my dad. Then I said I needed pictures of him up here.” Tears streamed down Dean’s face, and he felt a hand on his own. But he continued on. “Everyone I care about, everyone I ever loved… They’re all up here.” Dean choked back a sob. “But I’m missing one.” He turned to Castiel. “Is it bad that I’m terrified to put you up here, just because I don’t want to lose you, too?” Cas’ face went from shocked to sympathetic and finally to loving in a matter of seconds, and Dean watched as his love’s face transformed before him.

Cas put his hands to Dean’s face, cradling his head. For a moment, he just stared deeply into Dean’s eyes, and Dean wasn’t sure what to think. So he let Cas hold him, before the shorter man pulled Dean close, into a comforting kiss that became a tight embrace.

“I love you, Dean Winchester. And I promise, I will never leave you. Not for another man, not for money, not even for death.” Cas professed, staring into Dean’s eyes. “I promise you this, now until the day death separates you from me. Even then, we won’t be apart for long.”

“I love you, too, Castiel Novak.” Dean cried, dipping his head into Cas’ shoulder. He breathed in the scent of Cas’ neck, and things seemed to hurt less, for once.

“I’m your Cas.” The shorter man reassured him.

“And I’m your Dean.” Dean replied, kissing Cas’ neck lovingly. “Thank you.”


	16. Chapter 16

Breakfast was made in silence, Dean flipping pancakes while Cas sat at the mini bar, reading the news. They’d already said everything to be said last night, and neither felt like bringing it up. It wasn’t painful or disdainful.

There was simply nothing else to be said.

Cas jumped when the phone on the table next to his newspaper started vibrating, disrupting the silence of their Sunday morning. The phone –which was Dean’s- read  _‘Bitch’_  on it.

“Dean, who is ‘bitch’?” Castiel asked, a little suspicious. Dean winced.

“That’s Sam.” Cas continued to stare at Dean, silently demanding an answer to the nickname. “I call him bitch, he calls me jerk. It’s something we’ve been doing since we were kids.” Dean explained quickly, and Cas relaxed. Dean picked up the phone.  “I haven’t told him about Benny yet.” He confessed.

“About him…” But Dean shook his head.

“I didn’t even tell him that Benny was sick.” Dean continued. Cas’ eyes widened.

“Dean, you have to tell him.” Cas warned, and Dean knew he should’ve told Sam sooner. But… he just didn’t know how. Dean hit the answer button, and grinned.

“Heya, Sam. What’s up?” Dean asked in an upbeat voice. Sam snorted.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Sam questioned pointedly. Dean shrugged.

“Nothing, why?”

“Because you don’t answer the phone like that. Ever.”

“So you’re discriminating the way I answer the phone, now? Wow, Sam. That’s low, even for you.” Dean teased. He could practically hear the bitchface Sam was making through the phone. Cas gave him a look. Dean cleared his throat nervously. “Besides, can a man not be happy to hear from his little brother?”

“Whatever, Dean. I was calling because I have some good news.”

“Oh?” Dean wondered, actually smiling for once.

“Yeah, Jess and I… we’re um…” Sam chuckled, then said something muffled, like he was talking to another person off the phone.

“… Care to share that with the class here, Sam?” Dean laughed, as did Sam.

“Jess and I are having a kid, Dean.” Sam said, and Dean’s heart soared with pride.

“That’s fantastic, Sam!” Dean grinned, a permanent, authentic smile plastered on his face. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl, yet?”

“No, but we will soon.”

“That’s so awesome, Sam. I’m so happy for you.”

“Also, there’s another reason I called.” Sam said, and Dean’s stomach dropped in fear.  _Did Sam already know? How could he know? Was he mad that Dean hadn’t told him yet?_

“Yeah?” Dean said as calmly as he could, but it still came out shaky. He coughed to cover it. “Yeah?” He repeated in a stronger voice. Cas continued watching him intently.

“Jess and I were thinking about moving back to the States.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Jess and I both miss being back, and even though I would’ve preferred California, Jess insists that we move back home.”

“Home as in…?”

“Yep. We’re moving back to Kansas.” Dean looked at Cas, fear in his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

Cas crossed his arms across his chest, accusingly glaring at Dean.

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

Dean continued pacing back and forth, worrying over himself.

“I don’t know, Cas.”

“I do. You’re scared.”

“No, I’m not-”

“Don’t lie to me, Dean.” Cas warned. Dean stopped, looking up at his love. He sighed.

“Sorry. You’re right.” He admitted. “I just… I don’t know how to tell him, I guess. I try, but when I get up to say it, my mouth can’t find the words and I change the subject.” Dean explained. Cas stood, moving over to Dean. He held the Winchester in his arms.

“I know this is hard. But you don’t have to do it alone, okay? I’m here for you, and I know Sam will be too.” There was a pause filled with dead air. “When are they coming?”

“In a few days. They want to go house-hunting.”

“When’s the funeral?” Cas asked, and Dean looked down.

“In a few days.” He repeated. Cas winced.

“We can have it before then, so you don’t have to-” but Dean shook his head before Cas could continue.

“No. I want him there. I… I’m going to need both you and Sam to help bury Benny.” Dean admitted. “I-I can’t do it on my own. Not like I did with Dad.” Cas gave a puzzled look up at Dean.

“Sam didn’t fly back for your father’s funeral?” He asked.

“No. He said he couldn’t do it. Not after losing Mom. So he stayed in France and I put Dad to rest on my own.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean. It won’t happen again.” Cas took Dean’s hand. “I promise.” He kissed Dean, and rested his head on the Winchester’s chest. Dean said nothing, but accepted the comfort, clutching Cas’ hand tightly. Cas breathed in Dean’s scent deeply and laughed. Dean pulled away to look down at him, but Cas giggled more. “Dean, how come you always smell like pine trees?” At this, Dean started to chuckle. It was something so simple and innocent, and yet, it meant the world to him.

“I don’t know, Cas. How do you always keep your hair so fluffy and soft?” Dean replied, ruffling Cas’ dark locks.

“Conditioner, my love.” Cas answered, leaning up for a kiss. Dean laughed on Cas’ lips.

“Axe, baby. Axe.”


	18. Chapter 18

The last thing Dean wanted to do was plan Benny’s funeral, so Cas opted to do it for him. Dean agreed. The only part he had to play was to make a speech, and to pick things out, like what pictures he wanted and where he wanted the grave to be.

At first, Dean considered putting Benny to rest in the cemetery where Dean’s parents were. But then, he thought better of it. He approached Cas about it the next morning.

“Should I send him back to Louisiana? He loved it there more than anything, and his family is there.” Dean said, and Cas mused over it.

“That’s true, but Dean,  _you_  were also his family.” Dean nodded. He knew that, and sighed.

“That’s true.”

“Oh, and his sister Andrea called today. She left a message for you.” Cas told him, and Dean winced.

“This can’t be good.” Dean muttered, but his gut was nearly tearing him into little pieces with worry. Cas held up the phone, and Dean almost didn’t take it, but reluctantly, he did. It was a small little flip-phone that had served as the “house” phone for the last two years.  After walking into the next room to be alone, Dean flipped it open, and selected the “one new message”.

The woman who spoke on the recording sounded tired, like she hadn’t slept in days, and her voice had a rough, raspy edge to it, and Dean didn’t have to guess why it seemed like she’d been crying.

“Hello? This is Andrea Kormos, Benny’s sister.” She paused. “I was calling to reach out to you, Dean. I know we haven’t spoken much, and this is a hard time for both of us, but I was calling to ask you a favor. I understand that this is asking a lot, but he’s my family, too. I wanted to ask if you’d be so kind as to bury Benny here, in Louisiana. He belongs with his family, here.” She stopped again, and Dean could tell she was on the brink of tears. “He’s been away for so long, and I… I just want him to come home.” At this, Andrea did let out a sob, but quickly apologized for it. “Forgive me, like I said, it’s been hard.” She took a deep breath, regaining herself. “Call me back at this number when you get this.” There was an elongated paused again, and Dean was sure she’d hung up, before a small voice of his sister-in-law whispered into the receiver; “I’m so sorry, Dean” before hanging up with an audible  _click_. A tear escaped down Dean’s face, and then there were arms around him.

“How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough.” Cas replied, pressing a kiss into Dean’s shoulder. “It’s still your choice, Dean. You’re the spouse.”

“I was.” Dean muttered.

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true.”

“Dean, come on.” Cas said, walking to look at Dean from the front. He put a hand on Dean’s face, smoothing it over with his thumb. “Don’t cause yourself any more pain than you already feel. It won’t help, and it won’t-” Cas paused, “-it won’t bring him back.” Dean pushed away, and tried to walk back into the kitchen, not looking at Cas. “Dean, stop.” But Dean said nothing, and Cas followed him. He put his hands on the counter, leaning on them and looking out the window above the sink. He sighed deeply. Cas stood a few feet away, rubbing his arm guiltily. “Dean, I’m sorry.” Silence. “That was wrong of me to say, I…” Cas squirmed uncomfortably, and Dean still didn’t say anything. Cas turned to go, his footsteps becoming the only sounds in the house as he made his way to the front door. But as Castiel reached for the door handle, something grabbed his other hand. He turned to Dean’s ashen face.

“Please, don’t leave.” Cas stared at Dean, long enough for Dean to feel Cas’ gaze upon him, to which he looked up and their eyes met once again. “I can’t… I can’t do this alone. Especially not without you, Cas.” Dean stated. Cas sighed in relief, and hugged Dean, wrapping his arms around the taller man and listening to the beat of his heart through his soft Metallica t-shirt.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam and Jess arrived the next day. Dean was just about to call Andrea back, but instead of getting out of it like he’d wanted, Cas offered to pick the pair up at the airport. Dean cursed but loved the fact that Cas knew him so well, despite how short their time together had already been.

So, as Cas grabbed the keys to his crappy little blue Ford Focus and headed out. Dean had already called Sam before they left France that his close friend Cas would be picking them up instead because Dean was having… ‘car troubles’ and ‘seeing about getting it fixed’. Cas disapproved of Dean lying, but he wasn’t going to have Dean stall on calling Andrea any longer.

The dialing was making his stomach turn over every time it buzzed in his ear. Finally, it sounded like a  _click_  indicating voicemail. But then…

“Hello?”

“Hi, Andrea? This is Dean Winchester.” Dean said carefully into his phone.

“Oh. Hi, Dean.” She sounded notably better than when he’d last heard from her. Dean thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

“So… I assume you know what I’m calling about.”

“Yes.”

“And, I wanted you to know that I agree.”

“But Dean, I-“ Andrea paused. “Wait, what?”

“I want you to bury Benny in Louisiana.” Dean stated, and he heard Andrea let out what sounded like a sigh of relief.

“I was so afraid you’d say no.” She confessed. “He’s been away for so long, and, since you’re his husband and all, I figured you want him to stay with you.” Dean shook his head, even if Andrea couldn’t see it.

“No. I mean, I thought about it at first, but…” He stopped, then continued. “Benny loved Louisiana. Kansas was never his home, and the only reason he came to Kansas was because I asked him to.”

“He loved you, Dean.”

“And I love him.” There as an awkward silence where neither said anything, Dean simply stared down at his shoes.

“Thank you, for letting him come home at last. I know this is hard for you, but… like you said, he only went to Kansas to be with you.”

“I know. All I ask is that the funeral ceremony takes place here. Then you can take him back with you to Louisiana after it’s over.” Dean bargained. He heard Andrea take a breath, like she was going to say something, but then she let it go in an exhale.

“Alright.”

“Thank you. I… I need to say goodbye one last time, and I’d rather do it here.”

“I understand. That’s where your family and friends are, so I get why you’d want it that way. I’ll drive up and take him home with me.”

“Okay.”

They discussed funeral details and other small talk that didn’t really matter before Andrea said she had to go pick up her kids from school. Dean had let her go, and hung up. When he looked down at his phone, it said he had one new email.

Reading it, it was from the hospital.

_Mr. Dean Winchester,_

_We have some of your late husband’s possessions here at the hospital, and we’d very much appreciate it if you came to pick them up. However, if you do not, we will be forced to throw them out. The front desk will hold the items for a week from when this email is sent. Please bring a photo I.D. when you arrive to retrieve the items. We are deeply sorry for your loss and hope you accept our condolences._

_-Lawrence Hospital_

He read the email over about three times before he truly understood what the hospital was trying to say.  _Get your shit so we can put more dying people in the room,_  basically. Dean snorted, and considered not going. It wasn’t his stuff anyways; it was Benny’s. And if he went to get it, it would only bring him more pain with the memory of his deceased husband.

But, as he crossed his arms and glared at the wall, he noticed another picture on the wall. It was a picture on his and Benny’s wedding day. It was Dean being ridiculous as he rocked an air-guitar on the dance floor while Benny laughed beside him.

Benny had taken care of Dean for so long, and he at least owed Benny to show up and get the things he’d left behind. So Dean grabbed his wallet and his keys.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny left something behind for Dean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to fight with the author to get them to publish the rest of the story! More to come, I promise! Thank you for being so patient!

Things at the hospital were pretty much routine, Dean showed up, the nurse handed over the stuff as soon as he showed her his I.D., and he left with a plastic bag full of stuff. As soon as Dean was in his car though, he dug right into the bag.

  
It was exactly what Dean had expected: Benny’s wallet, his phone, a blanket that Dean had brought from the house that Benny’s grandmother had crocheted him, some get-well cards from neighbors and friends, and the leather jacket he was wearing the night Dean had brought him to the hospital.

  
Dean threw out the cards and figured he’d shred the contents of the wallet at home. The phone, he figured he’d look for pictures he could hang on the walls then get rid of it through donation or something. The blanket he’d send back with Andrea after the funeral, and… Dean held the folded leather jacket, soft with years of use, close. He breathed deeply, inhaling the smell of cinnamon… the smell of Benny, still lingering there. Even if it caused tears to flow from his eyes, Dean knew there was no letting this jacket go. He put the other things in the passenger seat, and laid the jacket on his lap.

  
He drove back to the house, but Cas hadn’t arrived yet with Sam and Jess. What was taking them so long? Dean shook it away from his mind before bad ideas started popping into his head. He set the plastic bag of stuff and the jacket on the kitchen table, but removed the wallet. We went upstairs, turning on the shredder he used for important but expired documents in the mini office where Dean usually graded papers. He shredded Benny’s I.D. and threw the remaining twenty-five dollars in the coin jar on his desk. The pictures of Dean and Andrea that were in his wallet he put inside the plastic bag as well.

  
Looking down at the jacket that was folded on the table, Dean picked it up, and held it for a moment, clutching it tight to his chest. He breathed in the scent of Benny again, then decided to slip it on. But when Dean unfolded the jacket, however, something fell out of the inside of the folds. Dean bent down to pick up the white piece of printer paper on which had…

  
Dean sighed at the sight of his dead husband’s handwriting.

  
He almost threw it away, not wanting to read it and pick at the scabs that were just beginning to heal. But… Dean knew he could never throw away Benny’s words. Not really. Not when they had meant so much to him, and would always mean so much to him. So, sighing, Dean sat down at the mini bar in the kitchen and began to read.

  
_Dean-_

  
_Hey there, Chief. I asked the nurse for this paper so that we’d get one last chance to talk before… well, y’know. I’m glad that you’re not going to be here for this. I asked Cas to take your out for a burger today because I have a feeling that I’m not gonna make it through the night. It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with checking out, and I hope you will too, in time. Besides, by the time you read this, I’ll have gone anyway, if my planning and my timing finally a-line for once in my life._

  
_I see the way you look at Cas, even if you deny it sometimes. Most times, actually. I’m glad you agreed to be with him, or… be around him more. Is it helping? I hope it is. That was the whole point in the first place, anyways. You are, and will always be my one and only love. But… you have a second chance with Cas. And I’m eternally grateful for that, for Cas. Thank him for me, would you, Dean?_

  
_I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am. For leaving you. I know what cancer has already done to you and your family, and I hate this for what it means to you and that you have to go through this all again. I don’t want to be another person who leaves you, and I don’t want you to be on your own this time, and I can rest in peace knowing that you won’t be alone._

  
_You’ll never be alone, Dean. I’ll always be with you. Unless you and Cas are going at it in the future, hah! I think I’ll take a pass on watching that. ☺ But seriously, Dean: I’ll always be with you, in your heart and in your mind. If there’s a heaven, I’m sure my application didn’t get accepted, hah. And I’ll do my best to keep an eye on you, if there’s an afterlife. I’d like to think so, anyway. It’d be nice to know there’s something after this. But I’m rambling._  
_I’d appreciate it if you sent my body back to Louisiana. I know it’ll be hard for you to do, but I want to be back with my blood, and we have an entire section in the cemetery dedicated to my family, imagine that! I’m sorry to make such a difficult request, but I do it not to spite you, I’d never do that to you._

  
_The reason I ask this of you is because of my sister, Andrea. I know she’s having a hard time processing this, I just got off the phone with her. I told her not to come, although I have a feeling she won’t listen, the stubborn girl. Hah, she’s always been like that, ever since she was born. I remember that day vaguely, but I still remember. I miss her, and it was nice to hear her voice one more time. She’s got kids, now, would you believe it? She sent me a picture on my phone, and they’re completely adorable. The oldest, Sydney? She looks so much like her mom. Then there’s Tyler, who reminds me of Connor (Andrea’s husband, if you don’t remember him from our wedding) and last but not least, Elizabeth. She… actually reminds me of you, Dean. You and a little bit of myself, if I’m honest. Apparently ‘Drea agrees, ‘cause she said Lizzy is like a mini, female-version of me. Hah, imagine that._

  
_Even before I got sick, I thought about kids. I know, I know, you said you’d never in a million years, and I know we’ve fought about this before, but… Dean, hear me out. There’s no longer a possibility to have them with me, we both know that. But, you’re wrong about yourself, Dean. You’d make a great parent. I know you’re scared of messing up, but every parent feels that way with their first kid! So, maybe, if things work out with Cas… well, you can connect the dots. I hope you do at least consider having a kid. From the way I hear it from ‘Drea, it’s the best feeling in the world, having a child._

  
_Another thing; I didn’t tell you I was sick before, and I’m sorry about lying, but I can’t take it back. I wanted to keep things as normal as possible before it was too late. Of course, this was inevitable, so… I guess I just thought that if I pretended that everything was alright, then it was. But it wasn’t, I see that now. I didn’t want to hurt you by lying, that wasn’t my objective. I wanted to protect you and preserve what we had for the little amount of time we had left to be normal._

  
_Oh, there’s one last thing I wanted to tell you before I end this already really long letter. Remember back before I moved to Kansas with you? How we were in my apartment and we flipped a coin -I don’t remember, was it a dime or a nickel? Anyway, when I flipped it… it, um… it didn’t land on whatever we decided Kansas was. It landed on Louisiana. But, I remember, getting that result, looking up, and seeing your face and… there was no moving you from your home. And when we got to your family house, seeing the pictures there, I knew I’d made the right choice. I didn’t want to tell you all these years because I thought you’d either kiss me or punch me, hah. I just thought you’d want to know before I went. I wanted to tell you before I went, anyway. And I don’t regret my choice in the least, because it made you happy._

  
_That’s what my entire life was about, Dean. You. You and your happiness. That’s all I ever wanted, and all I’ll ever want for you. Because I love you. I will always, until my last breath and beyond, love you, Dean Winchester._

  
_Alright, this letter has gone on long enough, don’t you think so, Chief? Well, I’ll make the ending short and sweet, to make up for it._

  
_I love you._

  
_Eternally yours,_

  
_-Benny_

  
It took Dean over an hour to read the letter, partly because he couldn’t see with all the tears watering up his eyes, and partly because he was sobbing so hard he simply couldn’t read any more of the letter. It pained him too much at times to continue. By the end of the letter, Dean had headed upstairs with the rest of the stuff, and crawled into the bed he’d shared with Benny and later, Cas, for however briefly. He sobbed into the pillow that was Benny’s, even though it had lost the smell of him, since Dean had washed it since then. Now it smelled of Cas.

  
Dean placed the letter on his nightstand, and sighed. He once again smelled the jacket he’s put on. He could still hear the his voice when he’d read the letter. Like Benny was reading it to him. Dean sobbed, tears running down the sides of his face as he stared aimlessly at the ceiling above his bed.

  
Then a door opened downstairs.

  
“Dean? We’re home!” A voice called, and Dean instantly recognized that of his younger brother.

  
“I’ll be-” Dean’s voice cracked. “I’ll be right down!” He called back, running to the bathroom. He had to clean off his face before Sam or Jess saw.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! One more for you guys! Thank you for being so patient! I will see what I can do about getting the rest of the story from the author.

Sam and Jess stood in the doorway with their bags, Cas just a few feet from them. They’d been chatting about the traffic near the airport, and Sam had remarked how “nothing has changed”. Dean came running down the stairs, and stared at the sight of his little brother, once again inside their family home. Sam smiled at his older brother, silently understanding.

  
“Come here.” Dean said, pulling Sam into a hug. He held his brother close for the first time since he and Benny had been married. Then they broke apart, and Dean looked to Jess. She was rubbing her very swollen bump, and Dean grinned. Jess smiled back, and Dean hugged her, careful not to squash the little and upcoming Winchester. He stood back, beside Cas. “Welcome home, guys.” Dean said simply. Sam looked around.

  
“Doesn’t look any different. Few more pictures, but,” he chuckled, “that was always your thing.” But Dean shook his head.

  
“Nah, I got it from Mom first.” At this, Sam nodded.

  
“Yeah.” He breathed in deep. “It is good to be back, though.”

  
“I’m glad you’re back. Now, let me get those bags.” Dean offered. He grabbed two, and Cas grabbed the other, and the two men headed up the stairs while Sam and Jess went into the kitchen. Cas waited until they were in the guest bedroom with the door closed to turn on Dean.

  
“What happened?” Cas asked, invading Dean’s personal space like he always did when he knew there was something Dean wasn’t telling him. Dean stared at Cas’ face for a moment before wrapping his arms around him.

  
“I found a letter.” Dean confessed, his words muffled by Cas’ shoulder.

  
“From?”

  
“Benny.” Cas pulled back to give Dean a confused look. “I went to the hospital. They told me there were items I had to pick up. His items. It was mostly his phone and wallet and stuff, but… in his jacket I found a letter he wrote the day he died.” Dean paused and looked away. “It’s in the bedroom.” Cas waited a moment before speaking.

  
“Do you want me to read it?” At this, Dean shrugged his reaction about as dead as if Cas hadn’t even asked it at all. So Cas pulled Dean into his embrace, stroking the Winchester’s hair lovingly. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

  
“It’s like he won’t stay dead.” Dean choked back a sob. “Every time I think I can let him go, something brings him back.” Dean clutched at Cas’ shoulder blades, holding the wings that were there under Cas’ grey t-shirt.

  
“Shh, it’s okay. Dean. You’ll put him at rest at the funeral. I promise.” Cas replied softly. Then he continued. “Benny loved you very much. Anyone could see that. And I know his death has caused you immeasurable pain, but you have to remember that he loved you. As do I. So does Sam and Jess. Their child will love you as well, I promise. There’s a lot of pain in this house. But… don’t forget that there’s also love here as well. We all loved Benny. But we love you, too.” Dean was silent for a long time, just letting Cas hold him while he silently let tears run down his cheek.

  
“Thank you, Cas. I love you.”

  
“I love you, Dean. Always will.” He straightened up. “Now, we have to go back down, otherwise I think Sam and Jess will have thought we’d gotten lost in your own house.” Cas added with a fake laugh, and Dean put on a smile for him.

  
“Yeah.”


	22. Chapter 22

Both Sam and Jess were comfortably sitting at the kitchen table when Cas and Dean returned down the stairs. There were slightly confused looks from the both of them, before Dean dismissed their silent questions.

  
"I told him about the car."

  
"Hm. What's up with it?" Sam asked, but there was something snappy about the way he said it. And the way he was a stone's throw from glaring at Dean.

  
"Wouldn't start. They said I blew a fuse or whatever." Dean replied, not caring. "You guys hungry? I can make sandwiches, or we could go out." Dean suggested, moving around the kitchen, trying to look busy. Sam just stared at him.

  
"Dean."

  
"What?"

  
"You change the subject when you're hiding something." Sam stated, and Jess looked at her hands, folded in her lap. "So... what's going on?"

  
"Sam, I don't think-" Cas began, but Sam stood.

  
"Dean." He said when Dean said nothing, and was instead staring down at the counter.

  
"Babe, this isn't the time to-" Jess started in, but Sam cut her off, too.  
"No, I knew something was up since I called you. You've been acting weird, and the fact that you're lying to us hurts, Dean." Finally, Dean looked up, his eyes misted.

  
"Please don't, Sam."

  
"It wasn't the car, was it, Dean?"

  
"Sam, I'm warning you, man..." Dean commented, his voice soft and low.  
"You promised you wouldn't lie, Dean." Sam growled, almost yelling. Dean did his best to stay calm, but the room was spinning, and, as if he was watching a dial turn, Dean could feel the tension rising; about to snap.

  
"I'd suggest not-" Cas defended, and Sam turned on him.

  
"You're in on it, I bet!" Sam roared.

  
"Sam!" Jess hissed sharply.

  
"You know I'm right! He promised he would never lie to me! After Mom died, he promised he wouldn't lie to me!" This made Dean look up, slamming his fist down on the counter.

  
"God dammit, Sam!" He screamed. "Benny's dead, alright?!" Dean sucked in a breath that was ragged and rough. "He's _dead_." Dean sobbed. Cas moved over to his side, putting his arms around Dean.

  
"Dean, it's okay. It's okay." Cas murmured comfortingly. Taking shaky inhales and letting out even more unstable exhales, Dean closed his eyes, trying to remember how to breathe.

  
Sam regained his seat, absorbing the shockwave Dean had just hit him with. Meanwhile, Jess put her face in her hands, sighing softly.

  
"So, Benny is dead...?" Sam repeated, more as a statement than a question. Cas nodded in response. "How?"

  
"It was cancer." Dean stated. "Fucking cancer, again."

  
"Dean, I'm so sorry."

  
"His funeral is this week. In a few days, actually. When you called on the phone, I..." Dean stopped.

  
"So it was a convenient time for us to come back." Sam worked out with a snort. "Dean... I really am sorry."

  
"Yeah, me too."


	23. Chapter 23

Benny's funeral was three days later. Most of the morning was spent without emotion, Dean got up, dressed in a suit he'd rented, gathered his speech papers, picked at a small breakfast, and got on the passenger side of Cas' Ford. Although Cas sent a glance in Dean’s direction at any chance he could, Dean stared out the window for the entire ride to the church, not saying a word.

  
Many people had shown up, and hugged Dean, shaking hands, giving him compliments and sending him condolences, but Dean was zoned out, removed from the whole thing. It was better that way. Luckily, when Dean didn’t feel like talking anymore, Cas swooped in, saving Dean from the droves of people who’d come to talk to him.

  
So instead, he sat down in the front row of the church’s rows of wooden seats while Cas stopped people from getting to him via the aisle. All he did was sit, and stare at the pictures hung around the walls. THe ones of Benny as a baby, Benny at their wedding, Benny with Andrea and their parents, photos of when he went as a vampire for Halloween one year, Benny at prom, Benny moving in with Dean…

  
He was quiet, and hadn’t even spoken since this morning when he’d said a small ‘no’ when Sam asked if Dean wanted breakfast, if you skipped all the small talk with relatives, friends, and co-workers. Even now, his mind was quiet, a space of emptiness as he watched the slideshow of Benny’s life displayed on the screens on either side of the altar with the depiction of Jesus on the cross. All Dean did was watch, saying and thinking nothing.

  
More people sat beside him, including Cas, who grabbed his hand, and Sam, accompanied by Jess. There was music, and someone said something, but Dean didn’t hear it. He was still caught in his haze of grey, where words were just sounds and looks were just something that came and went like the wind. It wasn’t until Cas shook him, and Dean looked up to see Cas -and everyone else in the church- staring at him. For a brief moment, he looked around for some explanation, still Cas said ‘speech, Dean’, and Dean’s heart sunk.

  
With shaky legs, he stood, clutching the pieces of paper he’d kept in his jacket pocket. He stood behind the podium, behind Benny’s open casket, and looked down at the papers instead of the crowd he was addressing.

  
“Hello.” He began, voice shaking. “Benny LaFitte.” Dean let the name roll off his tongue once more. “Benny Winchester. One could say they were one in the same. And I suppose he was. When I met him, and long before I met him, he was Benny LaFitte; an amazing man from Louisiana who had a bigger personality than anyone I’ve ever come to know. He cared deeply for those he came into contact with, even the ones he disliked. He could never harm a fly, unless he was defending his family.” Dean took a deep breath. “He loved deeply, and unconditionally. To receive his love was never hard, but it was one of the most precious things in the world, even now.” A tear escaped Dean’s right eye, but he ignored it, and continued reading the paper. “I was told that since I was Benny’s one and only spouse, I’d have to be the one to write this. But…” He finally looked up at the teary-eyed crowd. “Anyone in this room who knew him could’ve wrote this, because… everyone who knew him knew how much Benny loved and cared for everyone and everything around him.

  
“I was also told to tell stories about Benny’s life. So, I figured there was really only one that I could tell, for the time that I knew him. And that had to have been the time when Benny and I were driving along the road. Now, we’d just moved in together, and there was this deer that had jumped onto the road, and although I slammed the brakes, we still hit the deer. It was bleeding pretty badly, and I wanted to put it out of it’s misery, but Benny insisted we take it to an animal hospital. He’d felt so awful about doing this poor, innocent creature wrong, and that we shouldn’t take it’s life for our careless mistakes. I’ll never forget the case he’d made to me that night, even if the words have mostly faded from my memory. It showed me how strong of a sense of wrong and right he had. I’d never seen that in another person before, and I’ve never seen it since. In the end, the animal hospital saved the deer’s life and released it back into the wild. It lived because of Benny.

  
“I can’t say that I loved Benny more than anyone else ever did, because I just don’t have the grounds to make that claim. But if I did I would tell you that I did love him more than anyone ever did, until you all got tired of hearing me say it. Because…” Dean’s voice failed him here as he whimpered in pain, longing, and anguish over the death of the man he loved. The man named Benny LaFitte Winchester. Cas stood to rush to Dean’s side, but Dean silently waved him off, and Cas sat back down. “Because I do love him, and I miss him. I wish I had the words to tell you everything I love about him and to tell you how much I love and miss him, but I can’t. I’ve never been good at expressing emotion, or making speeches, but… There was nothing to not love about Benny. And that’s really all I _can_ say.” Dean looked into the eyes of those crying before him, and let out a sob himself. “I’m so sorry.” He muttered into the microphone before stepping away, and regaining his seat beside Cas, not saying a word or looking anyone else in the eye.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning from the author: brief/vague description of a panic attack in this chapter. Just skip the last two paragraphs if it makes you uncomfortable.

Jess offered that everyone go to lunch afterwards, and both Sam and Cas had agreed hastily. Dean, however, didn’t have much to comment on the matter. In fact, he didn’t say anything at all. They went to a restaurant that knew what had transpired.

‘Garth’s Place’ was the small diner on the corner of the street, and it was usually closed on Sundays, but Garth had opened it just for the funeral guests, because Benny had once helped the owner, Garth, with a flat tire. Garth himself had also gone to the service to pay his respects.

Bobby, Ellen, and Jo all met up with them after a few minutes, they had stopped for gas first. Everyone put tables together, and they all ate. Dean mostly picked at his food and continued his silence, and Cas helped convince him to eat.

In the middle of the meal, a car parked outside honked loudly, and everyone looked up. Sam narrowed his eyes.

“Who would…?”

Without a word, Dean pushed back his chair and went over to the door, recognising the car from the funeral. He went outside, into the muggy summer air and watched Andrea get out of the full car. From the windows, Dean could see the three kids, messing around. The oldest looked no older than twelve, and the youngest, the one Benny had wrote off the best, looked about four. He also spotted Connor, Andrea’s husband sitting in the driver’s seat of the car, talking on the phone in words Dean couldn’t hear.

She stepped out, and closed the car door behind her. She mustered a smile, but it was obvious she had cried more than he had, her mascara leaving traces of where it had leaked, but then tried to be rubbed away. She stared at Dean, and then threw her arms around him.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” She whispered, and he hugged her back with less enthusiasm.

“Me too.” He replied. She sniffled, then stood back.

“Castiel gave me all the stuff you wanted to send back with him. Thank you, again, Dean. I can’t tell you what you giving him back to me means.” Andrea said, a sad smile on her lips. Dean nodded. “It will be okay. It’ll take a while, but things will be alright.” She added, nodding and giving Dena one last hug before getting back in the car. Dean watched Andrea and her family drive away, heading back to Louisiana as Benny’s body was shipped to them.

Returning to the restaurant, Dean headed for the bathroom, locking it in a need for privacy. After sitting on the surprisingly clean floor, he proceeded to break down again, crying himself senseless, loss and grief sickening his entire being like a plague. He repeatedly whispered Benny’s name until it was the only thought he had.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he was there - all sense of time had escaped him. He wasn’t sure when his eyelids drooped down, tiredness and the need for sleep grabbing ahold of his body like gentle hands.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this is the last chapter they're giving me... for now (hopefully!). I'll try talking the author into giving me the rest (if they have the rest?) soon! Sorry it's so short, it's all they gave me!

It was Sam who found him first. Cas had offered to go find out if Dean was okay -he’d been in the bathroom after talking to Andrea for a long time- but Sam turned him down, insisting that he go instead. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t trust Cas, it was more that Sam wanted to do it, because he still felt the gnawing jaws of guilt in his gut for pushing Dean to tell him before he was ready.

  
Sam cautiously knocked on the bathroom door, and tried to handle. But it was stuck. He pulled at it again.

  
“Dean!”

  
Nothing.

  
“ _Dean, open the door!_ ” Sam turned to Garth frantically. “Do your have a key?” Garth nodded, and hurriedly fetched it.

  
“Here.” He said, handing it over. Sam quickly opened the door and found Dean passed out against the wall, slumped over.

  
“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, kneeling beside Dean, and shaking him. Worry and dread gripped at Sam’s chest, and for a second, he was terrified that-

  
“Uggggh. What? What?!” Dean moaned, groggily opening his eyes. Sam exhaled a sigh of relief, then punched Dean’s shoulder just enough to not hurt.

  
“What the hell?!” Sam reprimanded with a glare.

  
“What, a man can’t pass out when he’d grieving?”

  
“No. And you scared the crap out of me, Dean. I thought you…” Sam didn’t dare continue, and Dean looked down, sighing.

  
“Sorry.” He muttered. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I just needed a break.” Sam nodded.

  
“Then let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Note: This fic belongs to another author, I'm posting this here on their request, with their full permission and consent.** Also not to be rude, if I see this fic floating anywhere without the original author's or my permission then, I'll haunt yo asses.
> 
>  
> 
> Stay safe lovelies, and if you comment I'll be sure to pass the message to the original author :) They and I love you guys.


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